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Refashioning for Weight Gain 2: Sometimes our crafts defy our control as much as our bodies do

12.17.2019

close up of a brown puffy vest with a brass snap on the pocket

One way sewing boosts my confidence is that I can de-emphasize how I look and focus instead on how badass I feel wearing clothes I made all by myself. Of course, to grow and learn and get better at sewing (and anything else) means we’re always reaching just a little further outside our comfort zone to nail the next challenge. And as we reach for greater and greater challenges, it turns out, just like we can’t entirely control our bodies, we also can’t entirely control the outcomes of our makes.

I thought remaking my dinosaur dress might be emotionally challenging, and expected to feel a little extra perfectionistic about something so sentimental, so I wanted a couple slam dunks to boost my confidence before I tackled it. So, I picked 2 things to start with I assumed would be smooth sailing. While one was the success I was hoping for, the other was a huge bummer.

A successful refashion of my down vest

For my first refashion in this series I decided to tackle adding stretch panels to my old favorite down vest, now very snug in the waist and hips, to make it wearable again. I picked it first because I had a pretty straightforward plan for it, and wanted to start with a sure fire success.

For the vest I initially considered using really nice, but really expensive, metallic ribbing. In the end, I decided to go with some green ponté that was on sale. I made that choice because I felt like having more material would reduce the stakes, and I'm glad I did. Having more material to work with made it a lot easier to problem solve, and I was very happy to have material to re-do the arm holes and waist.

The first step of the refashion was to cut an opening to add a stretch panel in each side. I'm glad I had the foresight to stitch up both sides of the cut line when I cut the vest to add the panel. I almost didn't and there would have been feathers everywhere!

After that I cut two identical trapezoid shaped panels out of the ponté to add in. I guessed the dimensions by trying on the vest with the side cut to see how it fell.

After I added the panels I decided to use the ponté to bias bind (can you call it bias binding when it's knit? Is it called something else? I have no idea) the arms and waist. It ended up coming together really nicely, and I think actually looks pretty covert, like it may have been designed that way.

I’ve worn that vest many, many times since I refashioned it, and it feels like a solid success. When I wear it I feel like it’s a tangible reminder I can show myself compassion when I have a negative thought about my body, to remind me of my commitment to make peace with body change.

A failed refashion of my me-made jeans

Riding that high, I decided to try adding a stretch panel to the first (and only) pair of jeans I ever made. I made them out of rigid denim and they came out uncomfortably snug. After never wearing them even one time since I made them months ago, I figured I had nothing to lose in trying to adapt them to work better for me.

To start, I unpicked the waistband for a couple inches on either side of the waist seam, then opened up the side seam from the waist down to the top of the pocket.

I marked the center line and cut the waistband at that spot.

Then, I used some stretchy ribbing to insert a triangular panel in the cut out wedge.

I similarly used a ribbing to extend the waistband slightly, sandwiching it between the 2 layers to make a continuous waistband where a small section was made of stretch material.

While I think this is a reasonable approach to doing this in the future, the material I used has way too little recovery, and the jeans feel loose and weird. I’m sure I’ll still never wear them. It is a real disappointment to feel like I ruined these jeans, even if I only even tried this because I already couldn’t wear them.

Finishing something and having it come out as you hoped, like my vest did, is a nice quick hit of successful, happy feelings. This can’t be far from the feeling of a dopamine hit you might get from gaming, gambling, and drugs. There’s an “oh yea, I nailed it” when I do a sewing project well, and when I’m feeling down and having generally negative feelings about myself that hit feels good. The problem is, any addiction to an unpredictable, scarce thing. Sometimes the hit doesn’t come.

Making things is hard, and it doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes I invest time and energy hoping for that win, and then all I get is a disappointment. When I remade the vest I felt the abundance, self-compassion and creativity I was seeking. Those feelings weren’t necessarily directed at my body image, but it did put a little bounce in my step, and help me feel more confident in general. Finishing the jeans I felt demoralized, and those feelings evaporated.

While I was sitting with the feeling of failure, I realized that I also unconsciously dove into this to take control of how I was feeling about my body. I know I can’t control my body’s shape or size, but I thought I could use sewing to take control of how I react to it. I discovered instead that sometimes the results of our crafts defy our control as much as our bodies do.

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